Do food descriptions really match the actual flavor of the food they profess to describe? I'm just asking, as The Jones Soda Company has come out with their traditional Thanksgiving Day beverages, just in time for the holidays.
This year's roster:
*Turkey and Gravy
*Sweet Potatoes
*Dinner Roll
*Peas
*Antacid
Gacky as it sounds, for some unfathomable reason, I'm dying to try them to see what they actually taste like. If anyone could send me a detailed, foodie description of what epicurean delights await me if I drink these, I'd appreciate it.
In my previous job, I sometimes worked all sorts of unusual hours, which meant missing dinner, which meant I HAD to make several late-night snack runs to the vending machine downstairs. Vending machines certainly have come a long way since the days of the automat, where a hidden beehive of cooks served up a variety of fresh, piping hot dishes on real china for your eating pleasure. Altho some entrepreneurs are trying to revive this art deco-style mechanized food delivery system, the days of readily hot fresh fare appear to be now long gone, substituted by a whole lotta hype and vacuum packaging.
That hype has to go a long way into tempting someone to spend their hard-earned $1.75, since the food definitely isn't what it used to be. It seems to work on me every time, because get me in front of El Machino, and I'm like Wile E. Coyote and the Acme box - I never really know what kind of surprise I'm going to get, but I go for it every time.
It's like the manufacturers are more concerned with crafting the perfect Pavlovian description than improving the actual taste of the food. The hyperbole I'd find during those late-night sojourns, often ridiculously far-fetched, never ceased to amaze me. Witness the following 'warning' I found on one snack bag:
"Friday's (TM) Ultimate Fire Jalapeno Bites (TM). Made with Jalapeno spices, these chips aren't for wimps! Tear into a bag today, but be careful, THESE CHIPS BITE BACK!"
I took this warning dead serious, and solemnly put my 3 quarters into the machine, expecting both greatness and a scorched tongue.
The pepper 'bite' was more akin to stale bell pepper than jalapeno. The manufacturers were even kind enough to have pre-chewed the chips for me--as they consisted of re-constituted mashed potatoes, with all the crisp baked right out of them.
Then there was a brand of fruit beverage that caught my eye--Cherry Vanilla Groove! I pictured myself surrounded by psychedelic images, frolicking in a gauzy hippie dress in a field filled with sweet-smelling flowers, happily swigging a bottle of the stuff. I ended up getting a light and fruity drink alright--one with a cheap bite, sporting a vague undertaste of Pleather.
Get this description/title: Lay's Tastes of America Chicago Steakhouse Loaded Baked Potato Chips--conjures up images of a piping hot steakhouse baked potato just bursting with toppings, doesn't it? Surprising how laden with meaning a simple word like 'steak' can be - it really had me salivating. Unfortunately, chomping on a bag of salty, dry chips in the fluorescent-lit staff lounge by myself at 10:00 o'clock at night wasn't anything like the raucous, noisy and smoke-filled Chicago steakhouse experience I was expecting to have.
I realize how difficult it is to re-create the tastes of beloved foods on a mass scale. I also think maybe some attempts at flavor are best left alone. Doesn't mean I probably won't get suckered into trying them, though....Jones Soda, anyone?
Next time: A follow-up on my special love/hate relationship with Vending Machines....
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